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Mary came home early and found her husband, Paddy, in their bedroom makinglove to a very attractive young woman:

And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" She cried. "How dare you do this to me? A faithful wife, the mother of your children. I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!"

And Paddy replied. "Hang on just a minute, so at least I can tell you what happened?"

"Fine, go ahead. "Mary sobbed. "But they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And Paddy began. "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the Irish stew.. I made for you last night, along with soda bread, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans that you bought a couple years back, but don't wear because you say they not the "in" name this year. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same."

Paddy took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said.

"Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"
 
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