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A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help."
"Sure it will," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers..."
 

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An old Priest lay dying in a Hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. “Yes, Father?” said the nurse. “I would really like to see Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest. “I’ll see what I can do, Father” replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived.


Chuck and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Chuck commented to Nancy “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.


When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy ‘s hand in his right hand and Chuck’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face. Finally Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?” The old priest slowly replied “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” The old priest continued... “He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.
 

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