Three unmarried men were waiting to tee off when the starter walked up to them and asked, “You see that beautiful blonde practicing her putting?”
“Her? Wow, she is beautiful,” one of them said.
“She’s a good golfer,” he continued, “and would like to hook up with a group. None of the other groups will play with a woman. Can she play with you? She won’t hold you up, I promise.”
They looked at each other and said, “Sure! She can join us.”
Just as the starter said, the woman played well and kept up. Plus, they kept noticing, she was very attractive. When they reached the 18th hole, she said that if she sank her 18-footer, she’d break 80 for the first time.
“Guys, I’m so excited about breaking 80 that I have to tell you something,” she began. “I had a great time playing with you. I can tell you all really love golf. I want you to know that I’m single and want to marry a man who loves golf as much as I do. If one of you guys can read this putt correctly and I make it, I’ll marry whichever of you were right!”
All three jumped at the opportunity.
The first one looked over the putt and said, “I see it breaking 10 inches left-to-right.”
The second looked it over from all sides and said, “No, I see it breaking eight inches right-to-left.”
The third man looked at the woman, looked at the ball, and said, “Pick it up. It’s good!”
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She
points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank cheque and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a
gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank cheque. 'There's no charge,' The wife says.'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!'
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'