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Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
 

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Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard,“Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”
The guard replies, “They are three million, four years, and six months old.”
“That's an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”
The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago!”
 

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Mac was having serious trouble putting on the back nine and complained.

“I’ve got a case of the yips,” he said. “I just can’t putt anymore. I’ve lost my touch. It must be my nerves… or maybe it’s old age.”

Jimmy sarcastically replied, “Or maybe — and hear me out — it could just be the six-pack that you polished off on the front nine.
 

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ACETAMINOPHEN



All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.



Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.



Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.



The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.



After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.



Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.



Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..



It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.



Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails’, 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.



Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.



Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.



This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
 

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After church one Sunday, one of the church goers walked up to his priest and asked a question.

“Father, is it a sin to play golf on Sundays?” he asked.

“My son,” said the priest, putting his hand on the man’s shoulder, “I’ve seen your golf game; it’s a sin any day.”
 
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