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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
O'Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O'Toole kept sending him back up.
At 10 o'clock the doorbell rang. It was the next door neighbor, Mrs. O'Brien. She asked if her son was there and O'Toole said no. Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted. "I'm here Mom, but he won't let me go home."
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
The Pope went on vacation to the rugged mountains of Northern Idaho. He was driving along when he heard a frantic commotion off at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless, long-haired, bearded, middle-aged man wearing Patagonia shorts, sandals, and an old "Vote for Hillary" T-shirt.

The man was yelling and struggling frantically, thrashing all about trying to free himself from the grasp of a gigantic, 1,200-pound grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of cowboys all wearing "Go Trump" and "America First" denim shirts came racing up on horseback. One quickly pulled out a Henry lever action rifle and fired a 44 Magnum slug right into the middle of the bear's chest.

The two other men pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious man from the bear's grasp. The rest of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the others tenderly placed the injured man in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed

"I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican and Democrat Party supporters, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not really true and that America is a blessed place in which to live."

As the Pope drove off, one cowboy asked, "Who was that guy?

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "It's believed by many that he has access to all wisdom.

"Well," the cowboy said, "He may have access to all wisdom, but he don't know nothin' about bear hunting in Idaho. By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one?"
 

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Somebody posted on Facebook that prayer and spanking are back in school. Since everyone is home schooling.
 

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The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
 
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