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Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is this possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story. "There was once a hunter that always carried a gun everywhere he went. One day he took his umbrella instead of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the lion, the hunter used the umbrella like a gun and shot the lion. Then it died!"

Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must of shot the lion.

Doctor: Good. You understood the story. Next patient please.
 

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HARLEY DAVIDSON SPEAKS TO DECLINING BIKE SALES - Millennials don't ride motorcycles


The reasons for the slump in sales at HD are not President Trump's fault. Apparently the Baby-Boomers all have motorcycles. Generation X is only buying a few, and the next generation isn't buying any at all. A recent study was done to find out why Millennials don't ride motorcycles:
1. Pants won't pull up far enough for them to straddle the seat.
2. Can't get their phone to their ear with a helmet on.
3. Can't use 2 hands to eat while driving.
4. They don't get a trophy and a recognition plaque just for buying one.
5. Don't have enough muscle to hold the bike up when stopped.
6. Might have a bug hit them in the face and then they would need emergency care.
7. Motorcycles don't have air conditioning.
8. They can't afford one because they spent 12 years in college trying to get a degree in Humanities, Social Studies or Gender Studies for which no jobs are available.
9. They are allergic to fresh air.
10. Their pajamas get caught on the exhaust pipes.
11. They might get their hands dirty checking the oil.
12. The handle bars have buttons and levers and cannot be controlled by touch-screen.
13. You have to shift manually and use something called a clutch.
14. It's too hard to take selfies while riding.
15. They don't come with training wheels like their bicycles did..
16. Motorcycles don't have power steering or power brakes.
17. Their nose ring interferes with the face shield.
18. They would have to use leg muscle to back up.
19. When they stop, a light breeze might blow exhaust in their face.
20. It could rain on them and expose them to non-soft water.
21. It might scare their therapy dog, and then the dog would need therapy.
22. Can't get the motorcycle down the basement stairs of their parent's home.
 

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A man with a speech impediment was desperate to get a job with a tooth brush company as a salesman.

After pestering the manager about giving him a chance, the manager finally agreed. He told the man if he could out sell the other two applicants, the job would be his. They were to meet in one month for the results.

After the month went by they all got together with the manager. The manager asked the first man how many units he sold. The man replied " I sold 2,740 units". The manager replied "That's pretty respectable".

He then asked the second applicant how many units he sold. "The applicant replied 3,298 units". The manager replied " wow, that's pretty darn good for your first month!!!"

He then asked the man with the speech impediment how many units he sold. The man proudly replied "10,732 units". The manager freaked and asked how in the world he sold that many tooth brushes in one month???

The man replied "Well.... I thought about it for a long time and decided to set up a taste testing booth at the local fair. People would come by and grab a sample. Make a face and say (eww... this tastes like crap!!!!). You know what I would tell them???? It is crap!!!!! Wanna buy a tooth brush??????"
 

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nfiofnpnfiofnpnfiofnp Awesome!!! Thanks guys!!!
 
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