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Discussion Starter #42
No new stories? If you don't come up w/ some I'll have to resort to Knock-knock jokes for my daily bump... "Knock-knock" "Who's there?", "Thistle", "Thistle who?", "Thistle be an example of how lame my jokes will be if we don't get some good stories!"
 

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Heaven forbid we have to be subjected to knock-knock jokes! :eek: So, here's another for your reading pleasure. Bear with me 'cause it takes a bit of time to tell the story.


As some of you may know, in 1968-69 I was a Navy Electronics Technician (ET) on the William H. Standley, a guided missile frigate. We were stationed as North and South Sea-Air Rescue in the Gulf of Tonkin. I was responsible for maintaining 19 UHF transceivers that we used to communicate with our jets that conducted air strikes and our helicopters that rescued downed airmen. We had been refitted with these transceivers in Charleston, SC, before making our way through the Panama Canal, Hawaii, Guam, and the Philippines before reaching our Gulf of Tonkin Yacht Club station.

When we reached Hawaii, we were docked next to a New Zealand Navy destroyer escort. We wound up sailing with her all the way to the Philippines, conducting battle drills all the way. Also while in Hawaii, we received a ship alteration notice. It seemed that our push-to-talk dial telephones that the radiomen used to change transceiver channels and communicate with our aircraft had feedback problems. The headphone was not silenced during transmission, allowing the feedback to occur and disrupt communications. So, our Internal Communications electricians commenced modifying the headsets to silence the headphone during transmission.

One night, I was on watch in the ET shop when I received a call from the Radio Room. The Chief Radioman, a Pillsbury doughboy looking kind of guy with a completely bald head, called me and informed me he had a problem with Transceiver 19. He said earlier that day, the handset and transceiver had been working fine. But, when he came on watch tonight, he couldn’t hear himself in the headset.

I explained that the IC men were modifying the headsets to stop feedback. He said, “I know, but this phone was working fine before. There must be something wrong with the transceiver.” So, off to the transceiver I went. It checked out fine so I called the Radio Room. I told the Chief that the transceiver had checked out fine. He responded “Get your ass up here right now!”

So, off I went to the Radio Room. When I stepped into the room through the bulkhead door, I saw the Chief across the room. He was holding the handset and shaking it at me. He yelled across the room “Bruner, I can’t hear myself!” Then, he pressed the handset transmit switch and blew into the mouthpiece.” He released the key and pointed to the loudspeaker, “I can’t hear myself!” I yelled back, “Chief the transceiver is working!” Before I could make it across the room, he repeated his action and again said “I can’t hear myself!” And, as I reached him, he again keyed the transceiver and blew into the mouthpiece. But, before he could say anything, a voice came over the loudspeaker with a distinct Kiwi accent:

I say, old man, ye’ve blown in my ear three times. Would you like to kiss me now?

That’s the first Chief Radioman I saw that looked like a mercury thermometer pulled out of an icebox in the Arizona desert in summer…
 

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Discussion Starter #44
Great story Guy! Almost makes you wonder how he got too be Chief Radioman... how did you keep from laughing yourself silly in that poor bozo's face?
 

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I didn't have to. About a dozen radiomen were rolling on the floor.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk
 

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I was thinking quality not quantity, but if it will hold off your Knock Knock jokes here you go:

Several years ago when I was working second shift (15:00 to 23:30) I was mowing our lawn before going to work and while mowing the ditches I disturbed (down right pissed them off) a ground bees nest. After the first couple stings I decided that they could have the mower so in the ditch it stayed. While at work I devised a foolproof plan to rid myself of those pesky ground bees. When I got home, about midnight I filled a quart jar with some gasoline, carefully removed the mower from the ditch, poured the whole quart of gas in the nest opening. Went to light it and discovered I left my lighter in the truck. Well that short amount of time allowed the gasoline to vaporize a wee bit too much. I lit a rag on the end of a stick and when I placed it near the opening BOOM! grass, dirt, bees, parts of the nest went flying in the air, my ears were ringing and the ditch bank was on fire! When I regained what senses I had left I saw lights come on at a couple of the neighbors, and Mrs. RD standing by the back door with her now famous "Get your Dumb A** in the House, Before I Kick it All Over the Neighborhood"
The next day I went out and looked at the damage, a crater about 3 foot in diameter and about a foot deep in the ditch bank. While I was filling it in one of my neighbors came over and asked if I heard that sonic boom last night. :eek:
 

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Discussion Starter #48
Wow Ray, I guess the odds of Mrs. RD letting you out to play w/ my cannon @ the spring barbeque ain't real good is it? Did you get rid of the bees? :)
 

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Wow Ray, I guess the odds of Mrs. RD letting you out to play w/ my cannon @ the spring barbeque ain't real good is it? Did you get rid of the bees? :)
surprising enough yes, and a neighbor.
 
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Ok I'll play. It's a cut and paste from a previous post but a story none the less.



Three years ago I was camping with family and friends in Idaho just over the border with Montana. Everyone but my son and me had left. That night something shoved my camper, a 22' fifth wheel that was up on jacks. For the next several hours something kept trying to open the door by rattling the outer handle. It was a no moon night and very dark so no I never was able to see anyhting out the window. It wasn't a bear or a racoon because the coolers with food were outside the door and they were not touched. Earlier that night my son had seen a pair of large black feet standing at the door which was on the opposite side of the camper from where we were at the fire. When I turned around I saw them too but the creature moved off into the woods before we got to the camper. That entire weekend there was a horrible sewer like smell around the camp and we all had feelings of being watched throughout the stay. Needless to say we have never camped there again.
 

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Discussion Starter #52
Ok I'll play. It's a cut and paste from a previous post but a story none the less.



Three years ago I was camping with family and friends in Idaho just over the border with Montana. Everyone but my son and me had left. That night something shoved my camper, a 22' fifth wheel that was up on jacks. For the next several hours something kept trying to open the door by rattling the outer handle. It was a no moon night and very dark so no I never was able to see anyhting out the window. It wasn't a bear or a racoon because the coolers with food were outside the door and they were not touched. Earlier that night my son had seen a pair of large black feet standing at the door which was on the opposite side of the camper from where we were at the fire. When I turned around I saw them too but the creature moved off into the woods before we got to the camper. That entire weekend there was a horrible sewer like smell around the camp and we all had feelings of being watched throughout the stay. Needless to say we have never camped there again.
That was me! I just wanted to use the bathroom! (explains the sewer smell!). :)
 

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Discussion Starter #57
Nothing added today? There's only a couple of days left... Y'all ain't gonna make me resort to knock-knock jokes again are you? :(
 

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I'll repost a pic of the Mrs. obgyns mens room, just to avert a knock out joke. It can be a bit distressing for those poorly 'endowed' fellas.
View attachment 26656
 
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