It's Saturday and a few laughs are needed today
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Thread: It's Saturday and a few laughs are needed today

  1. #1
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    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    N ATL , Ga
    33023 times

    It's Saturday and a few laughs are needed today

    "Give a man a mask and he'll tell you the truth."
    -- Oscar Wilde

    Whats the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad?

    A regular toad croaks "Ribbit Ribbit" while a horney toad croaks "Rub-it

    On a bumper sticker:

    Keep honking, I'm reloading.

    Read this in a classified ad:

    "Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts."

    Henry Kissinger once asked Chou En-Lai to theorize on what might have happened if Nikita Khrushchev
    had been assassinated instead of John F. Kennedy.

    After a moments thought, he answered:
    "I don't believe Mr. Onassis would have married Mrs. Khrushchev."

    The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport.
    Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't
    have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?"
    The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change
    the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him
    struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?"
    He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."

    Why I Fired My Secretary

    I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,
    "I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and
    shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big
    kiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and
    there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. So
    I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well,
    she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they
    will sing 'Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me." There I sat, enjoying
    my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen,
    yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going to
    miss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.

    When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile
    and a cheerful "Happy birthday, boss." She then asked if she could get me some
    coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better.

    Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, "Since
    it's your birthday, why don't we have lunch together?" Thinking it would make
    me feel better, I said, "That's a good idea." So we locked up the office, and
    since it was my birthday, I said, "Why don't we drive out of town and have
    lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?" So we drove out of
    town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and a
    nice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, "Why don't
    we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini." It sounded like a good
    idea, since we didn't have much to do in the office. So we went to her
    apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, "If you
    will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable," and she
    left the room.

    In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big
    birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with
    nothing on but my socks.

    Bob K, 1jimmy, RDLouks and 3 others like this.
    First line of defense , my faithful Pit - don't mess with Mr. Kane !

    Lovin' it here in N. Ga - I wasn't born here , but I got here as fast as I could .

  2. #2
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    Aug 2011
    brockton ma
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    Wiregrassguy and WendyZXZ like this.

  3. #3
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    Sep 2013
    30 times
    Thanks guys - that got the day off to a good start!
    Retired USAF MSgt
    NRA Benefactor Member
    Front Sight Ambassador Member
    Rocky Mountain Gun Owners Association
    Audaces Fortuna Juvat

    Don't Kalifornicate Colorado!



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