Aren't Wednesday's just Wonderful ?! Must be time for a jolly
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Thread: Aren't Wednesday's just Wonderful ?! Must be time for a jolly

  1. #1
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    N ATL , Ga
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    Aren't Wednesday's just Wonderful ?! Must be time for a jolly

    Watch out Scruffy - Here we come !
    Just a single joke today . Packing up and setting it on cruise control .
    I hope everyone has a great Holiday , I'll be taking a hiatus from the siren of computers .

    A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP to Food Lion

    Yesterday I was at my local Food Lion buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Mr Kane , the Attack Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had an elephant?

    So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.

    Food Lion won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

    Regards ,
    First line of defense , my faithful Pit - don't mess with Mr. Kane !

    Lovin' it here in N. Ga - I wasn't born here , but I got here as fast as I could .

  2. #2
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    "Middle of the Mitten" Michigan
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    You have to watch out for us retired folks, we sometimes get our kicks in strange ways.
    Whenever You Try To Make Something IDIOT PROOF.........They Will Just Make Better IDIOTS!
    You can lead a Man to Congress, but you can't make him Think Milton Berle

    Due to the rising cost of Ammunition a Warning Shot will no longer be fired, Thank You For Your Understanding.

    NRA Life Member since 1988 now Endowment, And Proud Of It.

  3. #3
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    Trying to make a living on the road!
    8151 times
    Here's yur sign!
    "I love the freedoms we got in this country, I appreciate your freedom to burn your flag if you want to, but I really appreciate my right to bear arms so I can shoot you if you try to burn mine!" -Johnny Cash

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  5. #4
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    Bubba and Junior were at a Georgia Bulldogs game when Uga started across the field. At mid-field he stopped and began licking himself. Bubba said to Junior, "I wish I could do that." Junior said, "Stupid! That dog wud bite you!"
    Charlie686 likes this.

    S&WCA #2629 | Ex-Navy Vietnam Vet. / Submariner | NRA Member | S&W Historical Foundation

  6. #5
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    Just came across this survey...interesting...


    In a recent survey commissioned by President Obama, his supporters have
    proven to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.

    The survey was carried out for democrats by a leading soap and toiletries firm.
    The results revealed that 86% of Obama supporters
    said that they have had sex in the shower.

    The remaining 14% said they haven't been to prison yet.

    Sort of brings tears to your eyes..
    "The beauty of the second amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."
    Thomas Jefferson


  7. #6
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    Star, Idaho
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    I'm an Old Joke kind of guy.....

    The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid-term.

    The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
    Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
    One student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

    As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

    Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

    This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


  8. #7
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    The Blueridge Mountains
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    I REALLY hope that the coffee does'nt short out my keyboard...

    " All that is required for evil to prevail is that good men do nothing"

    "If You Can't Move Mountains, Sweep Pebbles...Do Something For Jesus Today!"

    "Don't look within searching for truth...You are confused already"

    NRA Life Member



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