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It's Sunday ! Time for a few jokes ...............

914 views 2 replies 3 participants last post by  sdismukes 
#1 ·
I had this 90% done and the laptop decided to do a memory dump . @#$%^&@$% .

Well , welcome to a special edition . HAPPY FATHERS DAY ! All the best to the Dads !





Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?

Voice: This is my father.




Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.

Johnny: I don’t have it.

Johnny’s father: Why not?

Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.




“Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.

“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied.

After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”




A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.

“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.

“ …Which bus would I take home?”




Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?

Science student: When my father sees my report card!




Joe: What does your father do for a living?

Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.

Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.




Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.

A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for 7 Up!”




Son: For $20, I’ll be good.

Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.




Dad: How do you like fourth grade?

Son: It isn’t much fun.

Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life!




Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?

Dad: No.

Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!




Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders.

Tiger Cub: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!




A letter from a college student

Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need,
$o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on


And the response

Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad




Regards ,
George - hug a child , shoot a gun , it's all good today !
 
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#3 ·
This town has a very old Catholic priest. One Sunday the priest stands before the congregation and announces "I want all of you to know I'm just sick and broken hearted hearing all the confessions to adultery I hear in the confessional. There is just too much of it happening. If I hear another confession to adultery, I'll quit".

The congregation is stunned. They really like the old man and do not want him to quit. So they come up with a code word. They'll just tell him "they've fallen". He won't hear the dreaded "A" word and he'll stay on.

They never did know if he figured it out, but he stayed on another 7 months until he passed away. There was a new pastor assigned to the church. After a week in town, he went to the mayor and told him "There must be something really bad about the sidewalks in this town. I keep hearing all these people in confession talking about having fallen!"

The mayor chuckles, recalling no one must have told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could even speak, the new priest said "I don't know why you're laughing! Why, your wife has fallen 3 times just this week!"
 
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