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It's Sunday ! Time for a few jokes ...............

745 views 1 reply 2 participants last post by  Ronm 
#1 ·
"Marriage is a great institution,
but I'm not ready for an institution yet."

- Mae West




Never speak ill of yourself, your friends will always say
enough on that subject.

--Tallyrand




Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when it's getting interesting they are finished until next time...




Weight Control


Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per
hour they consume.

Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75
Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100
Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150
Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50
Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25
Throwing your weight around
(depending on your weight). . . .50-300
Dragging your heels. . . . . . . . . . 100
Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250
Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500
Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50
Wading through paperwork . . . . . . . 300
Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . 75
Jumping on the bandwagon . . . . . . . 200
Balancing the books. . . . . . . . . . .25
Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350
Eating crow. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 225
Tooting your own horn. . . . . . . . . .25
Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 750
Pulling out the stops. . . . . . . . . .75
Adding fuel to the fire. . . . . . . . 160
Wrapping it up at the day's end. . . . .12

To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including:

Opening a can of worms . . . . . . . . .50
Putting your foot in your mouth. . . . 300
Starting the ball rolling. . . . . . . .90
Going over the edge. . . . . . . . . . .25
Picking up the pieces after. . . . . . 350




And finally , for FlaRon ,

One day, Hette approaches her Rabbi after the service and says to him, "Rabbi, I have a problem.
I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the Rabbi asks.
"They only know how to say, 'Hello, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?'"

"Why, that's terrible!" the Rabbi says, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house tomorrow and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read Hebrew. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Oh thank you, Rabbi," Hette replies.

The next day Hette brings her female parrots to the Rabbi's house. His two male parrots are wearing tiny yamulkes and praying in their cage.
Hette puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hello, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put away the siddurs! Our prayers have been answered!"



Regards ,
George
 
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