Sundays mean a day of rest , church and fried chicken ..... and perhaps a joke or two

[georgepittenger]

I was absolutely thrilled w President Obama's speech the other night , as I'm sure you were .
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have another 4 years of such bliss , as we've all experienced of late ?

Didn't he remind you of Honest Abe , another President from Illinois ? Ya know , with the big ears and all .

Well that serves as my lead in , it's time to feature I L L I N O I S and have a few chuckles .

But first you folk deserve more . Now I can't promise you "fairness" like our Prez did , but I can give you some higher learnin' , no charge -


Illinois is the 25th most extensive and the 5th most populous of the 50 United States .
In the 1810s, settlers began arriving from Kentucky. In 1818 Illinois achieved statehood. The state's population originally grew from south to north. Chicago was founded in the 1830s on the banks of the Chicago River, one of the few natural harbors on southern Lake Michigan. Railroads and John Deere's invention of the self-scouring steel plow turned Illinois' rich prairie into some of the world's most productive and valuable farmlands, attracting immigrant farmers from Germany and Sweden. By 1900, the growth of industrial jobs in the northern cities and coal mining in the central and southern areas attracted immigrants from Eastern and Southern Europe. The Great Migration established a large community of African Americans in Chicago that created the city's famous jazz and blues cultures.
Three U.S. Presidents have been elected while living in Illinois—Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, and Barack Obama.
Additionally, President Ronald Reagan, whose political career was based in California, was the only US President actually born and raised in Illinois.
Today, Illinois honors Lincoln with its official state slogan, Land of Lincoln, which has been displayed on its license plates since 1954.

"Illinois" is the modern spelling for the early French missionaries and explorers' name for the Illinois people, a name that was spelled in many different ways in the early records.
The name "Illinois" derives from the Miami-Illinois verb irenwe·wa "he speaks the regular way". This was then taken into the Ojibwe language, perhaps in the Ottawa dialect, and modified into ilinwe· (pluralized as ilinwe·k). These forms were then borrowed into French, where the /we/ ending acquired the spelling -ois. The current form, Illinois, began to appear in the early 1670s. The Illinois's name for themselves, as attested in all three of the French missionary-period dictionaries of Illinois, was Inoka, of unknown meaning and unrelated to the other terms.

( now after reading that , maybe you can see how Obuma " speaks with a forked tongue " , can't trust them Frenchies either )



Q: What's the only thing that grows in the South Side of Chicago?
A: The Crime Rate!

encore
Q: What's the only thing that grows in the South Side of Chicago?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!


One foggy night, a Northwestern fan was heading north and a Illinois fan was driving south. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Illinois fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, “Man, I’m lucky to be alive!”
Likewise, the Northwestern fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Illinois fan walks over to the Northwestern fan and says, “Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals.”
The Northwestern fan thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I’m going to see if something else survived the wreck.”
The Northwestern fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel’s. He says to the Illinois, “I think this is another sign- we should toast to our newfound friendship.” The Illinois fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Illinois fan hands it back to the Northwestern fan and says, “Your turn!”
The Northwestern fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to show up.”


Cow From Illinois

After the only cow in a small Kentucky town suddenly stopped giving milk, the angry townspeople discovered they could buy a new cow in Illinois for $200. So they raised the money and bought the cow, which produced milk continuously. Happy with their success, the townspeople decided to buy a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. However, every time the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. Confused and upset, the townspeople consulted with the local vet. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away," said a town elder. "If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side." The vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise vet," they said. "How did you know that?" The vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."


Now I must feature one in a long line of Chicago/Illinois politicians that have been valiant leaders , he's proof that America truly is a land of opportunity !

"Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's impeachment trial got under way today. But he was not there. He didn't go. He went on 'The View' instead, which is a pretty smart move, because it will help his case when he pleads insanity." --Jay Leno

"Man, you could not watch television today without seeing Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, who is saying all these crazy things about himself. Blagojevich did all these interviews, and in one of them, he compared himself to Martin Luther King. Yeah, Blagojevich said, 'I have a dream, and for 100 bucks, I'll tell you about it.'" --Conan O'Brien

"It was so cold, that thing on Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's head went into hibernation." --David Letterman

"And Blagojevich held a press conference. Did you see his press conference? I love this. He quoted the British poet Tennyson. He quoted Tennyson, which was weird, because usually he quotes the movie 'Jerry Maguire.' 'Show me the money!'" --Jay Leno

"It's a great day for Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, who is continuing on that media tour he's doing. Yesterday, he was on 'The View,' the 'Today' show, and 'Good Morning America.' Today, his hair was on 'Animal Planet' and 'Unsolved Mysteries.'" --Craig Ferguson

"President-elect Barack Obama said he got a little choked up as he left his house in Chicago and headed for Washington, D.C. It was especially painful because as soon as he left, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich sold Obama's house." --Conan O'Brien

"This is what politicians do whenever they get in trouble. Early this morning, embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich invited several ministers into his home this morning. Well, first, he prayed with them. And then, you know, out of force of habit, he tried to take up a collection." --Jay Leno

"Time magazine reports that Governor Blagojevich has an approval rating 4%. That's with a margin of error of 5%. That means he could actually disapprove of himself." --Jay Leno

"Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested Tuesday for trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat. When agents arrived at his house, Blagojevich asked for five minutes to pack up his things, and eight hours to brush his hair." --Amy Poehler

"Hey, you probably saw this on the news. A very embarrassing moment at the Illinois State Capitol today. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich attended the opening of the nativity scene. And when the three wise men showed up with gifts for the baby Jesus, Blagojevich demanded half the loot." --Jay Leno

"People close to the case talked about Blagojevich. They said that he was willing to do anything for money. That's why he was going to sell the Senate seat. See, that is so wrong. You know, in this country -- let me tell you something. If you want money, you do what everybody else does, okay? You go to Congress and you demand a bailout. That's what we do." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday President-elect Barack Obama called on Illinois Governor Blagojevich to resign. And after hearing this, Blagojevich said, 'If he wants to call and talk to me, it's $4.99 a minute.'" --Conan O'Brien

"And of course, the bad news for Governor Blagojevich is that there's no chance President Bush will pardon him because Bush can't even pronounce his name." --Jay Leno

"Rod Blagojevich was arrested for trying to sell a seat in the Senate to the highest bidder. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And folks, if convicted, he could wind up in prison, where his seat will be sold to the highest bidder." --Conan O'Brien

"President Barack Obama, today, called for Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich to resign. Blagojevich said, 'I'll do that if the price is right.'" --Conan O'Brien


Now don't you feel better ?
Me , I don't understand the vitriol directed at our duly elected officials .
After all , we did elect them . So what does that say about us ?



Have a restful , enjoyable Sunday
George

[grasshopper]

A Texas businessman, successful in spite of new Obama industrial restrictions, was invited to a huge business dinner event in Chicago, Illinois regarding future planning, business expansion, etc.
For the event he naturally dressed in one of his best high dollar western cut business suits, $800 ostrich boots, stetson hat, diamond Rolex, etc.
Before the dinner even got started good, he realized he was in strange territory, because not only did people crack jokes behind his back about the way he was dressed, the head speaker even began praising Obama and asking everyone to support and vote him into office for four more years!
The Texan listened as long as he thought polite, stepped outside, had a cigar, then went to the proper room to urinate before returning to the dinner.
Who should step up to the urinal beside him, but the Obama praising speaker.
The Texan finished, flipped it back in and started to leave the room when the speaker said, Hey cowboy! Aren't you even going to wash your hands??
The Texan replied, "Don't need to. Didn't vote for Obama, and in Texas, they also teach us not to piss on our hands".

[Oldgungeezer]

LOL................Thanks gents.

Geeze

[mg357]

imho it with stink to high heaven if obama got elected to another 4 year term.

[EXNJCOP56]

SEE that's the difference....Jersey and Texas...they teach us to" piss on the other guy's hands" thats why we are in the SuperBowl...GO GIANTS

[1 old 0311]

So, so, true.